If you are between 11 and 15 years old, then, according to psychologists, you have already formed your own moral code, assuming a certain style of behavior in relationships with your peers. It is believed that this code of comradeship is international, just like the book by A. Dumas "The Three Musketeers". It is even sometimes called a teenage novel with a special motto – "One for all, and all for one." Psychologists in England, for example, after conducting an extensive survey, established the basic unwritten rules of friendship. Try to compare them with your requirements for friends.

So, the first is mutual support. Then there is help in case of need, confidence in a friend and trust in him, protection of friends in their absence, acceptance of a friend's success, emotional comfort in communication. It is also important to keep confidential secrets, not to criticize a friend in front of strangers, to be tolerant of the rest of his friends, not to be jealous and not to criticize other personal relationships of a friend. And also not to be annoying and not to teach, respect the inner world of a friend and his autonomy.

Interestingly, the person himself often deviates from these rules, but expects strict compliance with such a code from friends.

Rigid framework, isn't it?

In an effort to find a close, loyal friend, we often change friends. And there is nothing unnatural about it. We look for similarities in friends, understanding and acceptance of our own experiences and attitudes. That's why our friends sometimes become the best psychotherapists and priests. They help not only to better understand yourself, but also to overcome self-doubt, endless doubts, to feel like a person. We all strive for an understanding in which we are loved and appreciated, no matter what.

Often we look for a friend with the opposite character, probably compensating, thus, for the missing features.

I wish you loyal, devoted friends who will be with you throughout your life. Take care of your friends, because this is a kind of gift of fate. And never despair in search of a friend. After all, sometimes it's enough just to look around carefully.



And the teenager grows, grows,

But I haven 't grown up yet,

He can 't suppress himself

no confusion, no laughter, no tears.

Educators want to,

to make it look like the others,

whom they brought out on the road, -

But a teenager does not want to think in step…

Jacques Prevert



The onset of adolescence, "transitional" age almost always means a transition from the world of children's concepts and games protected by parents to the uncomfortable world of adult problems. And, it would seem, once and for all, the place you occupied in that childish, former world must now be searched for anew, or even won back, or even it seems that there is no place for you here…

It's just that suddenly, at some point, you realize that in addition to the outer world, there is also an inner, deep, unknown one. And one of the most exciting, though sometimes painful processes begins - the process of self-knowledge. Who am I? What am I like? How do I differ from the others? How do other people see me? What do they think about me? Am I accepted? What is important to me? What do I want from other people? What can I forgive and what can't I forgive? What are my goals?

Perhaps the first time these questions arise with such acuteness is in adolescence.

I'm lonely, no one understands me. I am unique, unique, and no one can experience what I experience, experience how I experience.

As a child, everything was clear. I am like the center of the universe, Mom and Dad love me, and we will all live forever. And then it turns out that everything is ambiguous in this world, and it is sometimes so difficult to evaluate it that you want to divide everything into white and black, just to understand what is good and what is bad. Mayakovsky's children's poem of the same name ceases to be a sufficient criterion of good and bad. Adults, with their experience and ability to adapt, talk about youthful maximalism and the need to distinguish shades. But in youth, vision is arranged differently: friendship - forever, love - to the grave, in life you have to try everything, and who is not with us is against us.

This is exactly how a teenager may feel about himself. And adults, who also once passed this stage, now judge it from the height of the years they have lived and the conclusions they have drawn. But this experience does not come immediately.

But adults really often do not understand what universal problems we are concerned about! They sit in their closed boring world - home, work - and think that this is life. But I want REAL LIFE, events, to be in the center of everything, to have my own attitude to everything…

What makes adults smile, what they condescendingly call "youthful maximalism" and "adolescent egocentrism", is actually the norm for this age.

The appearance of their thoughts means that the teenager's thinking has moved to a new level, when it becomes possible to critically evaluate other people's statements, agree or argue, build their own conclusions, guided by their own logic.

Of course, many teenage statements are very controversial, and the vehemence and categoricality with which teenagers defend their ideas can irritate adults… And teenagers can be irritated by adult arrogance, condescension, know-it-all and the phrases "what do you understand? Not old enough to teach me!".

That's the beginning of disagreements, a sense of misunderstanding… In a word, a generational conflict. Which is completely solvable in each individual case, if at least one side strives for it.